Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Understanding Reality

The wind was blowing in such a polite manner as one would experience tranquility in such conditions and there I was in the car sitting ahead with my dad. A child of 3 years was I who was out with his family which was his only world then. I was happy while troubling my dad and the satisfaction attained from that was my joy. I could see my mother and my sister sitting behind and watching me with love as they would just grab me any moment and tickle me to laughter. It was a perfect family outing; only to see the back side of the car getting crashed.

I wake up early morning distressed having witnessed certain portions of my past like a montage. Still clueless of why such a vision of my past came about while I was asleep? The only bright perspective of my day was to return home after several months and meet my parents after such an elongated period. But as my life goes on the only question that faces me is, am I ever supposed to be happy?

Every individual has someone in mind that they want to meet so they can feel complete. Tragedy of my life: well I realized that my best friend in college is that very person and once I come back, I won’t get to see her as she would step outside in a world where she has to make her own life. Realization dawned upon me of why I was cranky for the past few days as I would meet her for the last time and don’t know when will I ever get to see her next.

Before I leave for my hometown I decide I should catch up with her to express my train of thoughts for her. So we meet, have lunch, go for a walk and to add upon my misery; only to fall for her. Now clueless she was on why I started to laugh in a fulminate fashion. Sitting at a coffee place I do express my liking for her. She, seeing my distressed state tries to make me feel better and I still ponder why she didn't react in a surprising way. Well it can be because I had a lot of negative expectation of how she would react. So she accompanies me to the airport and inside I was in a deplorable state. We bid farewell and I walk inside the airport watching her and thinking when will I see her next.

Broken pieces of glass were scattered everywhere inside the car and I saw blood on my mother and on my sister’s face. In shock I was and didn't cry even once. The person driving the car had vanished and I see my dad looking for help in a panic state and I see my mother with all her force telling my father to take care of me.

Suddenly my body experienced a jerk and I landed in my hometown. Another abrupt vision came of my past and I wonder why has it occurred again ? I collect my luggage and I leave the airport to witness my family waiting for me and finally a reason to smile after such an eventful day.

Sad state I was in, that why life has been unfair with me. Whenever I want something for myself, I never obtain that. Though been in relationships twice only to understand the whole crux of relationship and what infatuation is all about and never been sad leaving them. So I meet someone who I wanted to meet for a long time only to be separated and only to abide by the fact that she will never like me despite of how good friends we are. That is not as major a thing as the fact of not meeting as friends on a regular basis.

I am inside the temple and in my grandfather arms and see him praying to god so that I speak again. It has been 5 months since the accident took place and since then I have not even spoken even once. Despite the fact my mother and my sister were totally fine again. The sight of the accident and seeing them in blood must have taken its toll on me. I am going to various doctors to learn about my speech and nothing appears to be wrong only to see my parents distressed again. Finally I spoke after 6-7 months and my family was elated and to see that sight was priceless.

Another day another vision of my past but this time I woke up with mixed emotions trying to understand the link between my past and the present scenario I am in. At one place there is an incident that had a deep impact on my life where I was helpless and now I am in a situation where again I am helpless. The only meaning I derived from my vision was that when I spoke everyone else were elated beyond any measure.

Everything happens for a reason and I am a firm believer of that. The only motive of my existence is to see others happy and help them overcome their problems so that they can obtain what they want. By doing this I feel satisfied as it is something I won’t be able to achieve ever and I accept it as the ultimate reality of my life.

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